Lots of things have changed in our life recently and I have felt it is racing out of my grasp and I am losing control. Turning our lives upside down and staying home to work fulltime was such a BIG change for me. This change has really messed up my entire identity as a person/nurse. ICU RN to Hospice RN, healing to maintaining and dying with dignity. This is so much harder than I ever thought it would be. I continue to struggle with all of this. trying to find my way. I mostly feel alone and sometimes even like I am trying to put out a dumpster fire with a squirt gun.
On this one particular day I was struggling extra hard and felt like I was spiraling out of control. I was searching for an answer.
The Cross in the Prairie kept calling me and tugging at my heart. I had passed by this so many times and never stopped. On this extremely hot tough day I pulled into the parking area. I wasn't able to walk all the way out to the Cross on this day due to the extreme heat and the time crunch of seeing patients, but I went as far as I could.
I felt at peace and calm. I was totally alone out there. It was so still and tranquil. Standing at the small gazebo staring up at the Cross was calming for me. I was able to reset my mind and rest my heart. After taking some deep breaths I felt a little better. Deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth.
-in with the positive and out with the negative-
Breathing in. I calm my body and mind.
Breathing out I smile.
Dwelling in the present moment.
The only moment.
-Thich Nhat Hanh
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